Under the New Moon in Libra
At the beginning of the year, I wrote a little piece that spoke from my soul. This year, I wanted nothing more than to lean into my creative side and let things flow from me that I would consider art. Words, paintings, drawings, sculpting, building. I didn’t care what; I just wanted to make things, and I wanted those things to make me feel good. The funny thing about creativity, though, is that it has a hard time coming to the surface when you are sitting in a place that doesn’t feel safe or secure.
I wrote a few times and I unpublished every single one. Reading them later, they felt rehearsed and completely missed the mark of the original thought that sparked the flow of ideas to begin with. I was worried about being wrong and wanted to ensure that I had sources for every tidbit of information that I put out into the world. Everything was heavily edited to be just facts, eradicating the power behind the path that led me there. The world already has too much incorrect information and flagrant opinions floating around; I didn’t want to be adding to that.
This year, the universe had a completely different plan for me anyways. One rich with exploration of the mysticism that is our own psyche. Trying to rebuild my nervous system through traumatic experiences and completely imploding my sense of what is important in the world. It is very much giving the flavour of burn it all to the ground and build anew. Yet, grounding tells us that’s not a reasonable way to go about it.
Instead, I am beginning the journey back to myself. Learning who I always have been under these layers of responsibility and socially imposed expectations. This journey has only just begun, and I already know that it is going to be a lengthy one. An epic adventure, and I haven’t even left the Shire yet. In fact, I’m still in my hobbit hole reading my books and might be for a while yet. That’s okay; the knock on the door will come when it is time, and reconnecting with my intuition starts in the quiet reflection.
One of the studies that I have taken up is Alchemy. I am not confident that I know enough about it to be able to explain it in any effective way. I think that’s because I am just beginning, in Nigredo and have yet to experience the three remaining stages while in a place of awareness and reflection. I have been in Nigredo for a while. Years, in fact. You could hear it called by other names: the dark night of the soul, ego-death, descent into the underworld. The concept of alchemy called to me with an expectation to aid in the integration of all the things that I have been excavating from the depths of myself.
Here is born Athanor’s Fire. The Athanor being the furnace that was used in historical lead-to-gold alchemy. This is a devotion to myself to write and publish every day, starting now, on the New Moon in Libra. Libra is my shadow sign in many ways (Sun, Rising, Jupiter and Node), and the New Moon feels like the perfect propelling energy for digging myself through and out of this underworld Nigredo experience. It’s cyclical; I will be back, but I will be different each time I visit.
Here is what I have promised myself:
Daily. Currently, I really have no excuse not to. My evening routine is more habitual than a ticking clock.
100-word minimum, 1000-word maximum. Most would use 1000 words as their floor; this is my ceiling. Historically, structure for me feels great in the beginning, then often becomes a self-imposed cage that I resist, thus converting a single failure into the downfall of the whole experiment. A high minimum also manufactures a need for padding, which can make the writing feel fraudulent, the exact issue I stumbled through earlier this year. Some days may be low energy, and on those days 100 words is enough; showing up is the most important thing.
Unedited. These are raw thoughts; it’s not supposed to be polished work or a thesis. This is simply writing as a means of expression and creation. My thoughts are wild creatures, and they don’t stay in one place for long, but I have enough of them in a day that this should prove, at the very least, interesting.
Sealed. The rules and writings are sealed. Writing and publishing cannot happen on the same day. Although I am not allowed to edit, I need to sit on what I have written for at least day. To use an alchemical metaphor, the vessels are sealed to allow the gases and vapours to continue their work, and this needs to be the same. We’ve all heard that whatever is put out on the internet cannot be retracted; our raw thoughts and emotions can be as volatile as intimate images. So, they percolate before I hit publish. As for the rules, changes cannot be made in the heat of the moment, only within the moon cycles. I want to add to the challenge or alter the constraints, I can discuss as much as I would like, but cannot implement until I have sat with them for a while.
Until tomorrow 🖤
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